I’m in love with a boy- well, he’s a man now I suppose. When he smiles he looks like this little kid who got a shiny toy for his birthday and he can’t wait to play with it. That’s one of the many things I love about him; his smile is just so wonderful and beautiful and sincere. His cheeks bunch and when he smiles he does this little chuckle at the end. it’s so contagious, when he smiles, I can’t help but smile. I love his eyes, they’re so big and deep and contain every emotion he shows. When he speaks, his voice is deep and subtle, subdued and soothing, yet my heart goes crazy whenever he speaks or when he sings. He has the sweetest singing voice ever, oh my stars, it’s wonderful. it’s just right, not too pitchy and not a person known for belting. His voice can lull me to sleep, it’s so gentle. He’s incredibly talented, and I wish the whole entire world can see that. I want them all to appreciate what he has to give, and see why I love him so much.

this isn’t some idle crush or obsession with Minho. I’m too old for that. I have had plenty of celebrity crushes in my life but none like this. I’m not supposed to whimper whenever someone says his name, or have a minor heart attack whenever I see a photo of him or when he’s on my dash. I guess that’s love. I don’t care for his looks (even though I will strongly sit by and say that he’s the most beautiful man on the planet), nor his talent. Minho could be some regular guy at my high school, without the glamor and stage of stardom, and I still would have all of this love for him, maybe even more. There’s nothing more than I would like to do than to tell him every feeling I have for him, how much I adore, respect, and value him. I want to tell him everyday that he means the whole entire solar system to me, and that when he’s happy, I’m happy as well.

which is sad, that I’m totally giving up any chances of falling in love with a guy that I could meet right here, in my state, and date someone else for my caliber but I don’t want any other man but Minho. Believe me I have fought the urge, tried to forget about the overbearing bias I have on him, and tried to be a normal young adult but try as I might I cannot. I shall admit, with no guilt, that I really love Choi Minho, and not as a fan /gets smote by other Flames. which is weird, I actually like and respect other fellow Flames. anyone who can appreciate Minho is someone I respect. But Flames, if I can respect your wanton lust for pining for a guy purely on his looks and talent, you can respect my feelings for a man who I hold very close to my heart. I don’t like admitting this, but I’m so far gone into admitting everything that I might as well say it now to get it over with. I’d do anything to be with Minho; fight off a horde of wildebeests, endure cancer, join the Marines, swim the Pacific Ocean just to be with him. Is there any way Minho would ever love me back? highly unlikely, but it doesn’t hurt to try. When he doesn’t like me, I’ll accept that. I’ll live the rest of my life alone, but content knowing the outcome, telling him that I love him, and hope that he’s living his life happily. that’s all that matters for me.

see I told you I have a problem.

oh good lord are you gonna wrap this up before you piss off everyone with your pining or this man?

though, as much as I love Minho and would do anything, I could never change. He’s this beautiful, pure creature, and I’m this malignant filthy fool who isn’t smart, pretty, nor talented. Okay, I’m smart, but still. I’m not this athletic girl who he can play sports with, nor can I understand the fundamentals of sports so if he were to explain anything to me I won’t get it. I’m not an older woman (he likes older women) but that’s not really an issue because I know why he does, and the solution to that problem, since we’re only 2 months apart, is that I won’t use honorifics. You can hardly tell (because I like to be really immature on the internet) but I act like I’m twice my age. I’m levelheaded and wise in real life, which I might pass off for an intelligent person in their 20s or a really sage like 12 year old. it’s hard to tell. Minho likes a woman who truly likes him, and if the previous things I’ve said about him didn’t show you how much I like, love, adore him, then read again. I have that part down pat, and it’s all true. there are other things but they are all trivial, what matters most is that I be myself and let my pure emotions show.

to sum this up, I tried talking about the person that I like, but a.) I failed to talk about Minho more extensively and b.) this turned into a one giant emo post and I swear I think I just made a ton of people pissed off and creeped out. but I love Minho as a human being, and if it means making myself look desperate, it’s just a small price to pay.

have a gif